Tween/Teen - Mothers Circle

Blog Archives

On the Flip Side

May 17, 2013

We’re on the flip side. We have fewer years left with kids in our home than we’ve already had years with them.

I recently realized that we have only nine more years until we are empty nesters. It doesn’t seem possible. Looking at my sweet young kids, none driving yet, how can it be that Nick and I will be on our own with everyone graduated or away at college in fewer than 10 years?

Like a surprise party, somehow we’re on the flip side. It’s the trick of time. Amazingly, as I only recently “figured this out,” we’ve actually been on the flip side for a couple of years already. It went unrecognized as we romp through our daily life.

My feelings all swirl together like the colors in a carnival spin art craft. Joy, sadness, hopefulness, disbelief, worry, unpreparedness. I’m not ready. Not even close to ready now. Nine years is not enough time with my kids living right here, under my wings. Yet, like the mother of a two year old who laments having a teen, I know that as the minutes build into years, I’ll become more ready.

How is it that we only have four years to teach our daughter about boys, relationships, and life? Only four short years to impress upon her the warnings about drinking, the weightiness of foolishness, the exponential exposures of social media, the jumble of joys and dangers of choices …

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Teen

May 10, 2013

Today marks the 14th anniversary of Shel Silverstein’s death (September 25, 1930 – May 10, 1999).

I grew up treasuring my “Where the Sidewalk” ends book and I wrote poems inspired by his style and quirky subjects. I wrote about shaving cream, making friends with seaweed and other questionable poems as I emulated the master poet and artist. Read a biography of Shel Silverstein here.

I’ve read these poems to my children for over a decade, they’ve been the center of school poetry projects and my old “Where the Sidewalk Ends” book has been well loved; the book jacket tinged yellow at its edges.

One of my favorite Shel Silverstein poems has always been “Sarah Cythia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take The Garbage Out.” (I also love the the King and his Peanut-Butter Sandwich, the Magical Eraser and my kids crack up at the Invisible Boy and Warning – the one about the snail in the nose.)

Since this poem rattles around in my head from time to time, in my frustration at my daughter’s messy bedroom, I began composing this poem. It’s based on my beloved Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout and here I present it in celebration of Shel Silverstein’s life.

5 Instagram Safety Tips for Teens

April 29, 2013

Our daughter, Ali, wrote a guest post about Internet Safety for Teens; to follow up, here she discusses 5 Instagram Safety Tips for Teens. As a non-Instagram user I kind of don’t “get” it but as the Mom of an Instagram user, I’ve needed to at least know how to navigate through it. I’m about to learn all the ins and outs. Hot off the presses, with Ali by my side, I just signed up for my very own Instagram account.

Guest Post by Ali DeCesare

A lot of the world’s youth has moved away from Facebook to migrate toward Instagram, but don’t be fooled, Instagram can be just as risky to a child as Facebook. Instagram can get…messy. From profanity and inappropriate pictures and comments to cyber bullying and hate mail. I know from first-hand experience how dangerous it can be (see my story at the end), and so I wanted to share some ideas on how to stay safe on Instagram.
Instagram is a free online social networking site that allows you to share daily life and important events through pictures. Pictures can be digitally altered with filters that the Instagram team provides.

Instagram is also an Apple app. Each post/picture is seen by the amount of followers you have. Whether it’s one or one million followers (yes: certain people do have over one million followers. Crazy, isn’t it!) all followers will see what you post.

Talking to Kids About Bad Things

April 18, 2013

Talking to kids about bad things is difficult for parents, especially as we grapple ourselves to find meaning in the meaningless, the horrific.

Mr. Rogers said, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are.” Angels among us, it’s so true.

Can we find a silver lining amidst these horrors?

I am always an optimist and am continually warmed by humanity and the generous, boundless, selfless outpourings of love and kindnesses in the face of terror and disaster. We saw it in Boston, in Newtown, in New York, in Haiti, in Sandy, in Katrina, in Texas ….

How do we find our own center to be able to talk to our kids about bad things? How is it possible to make sense of something that makes no sense? And that’s where I start with my kids.

Keeping their ages in mind is always important and knowing their personalities to be able to gauge what they are able to hear and what they need to hear.

If you read this blog regularly, you know that I parent from a place of truthfulness and openness with my kids: about where babies come from, about sex and about bad things. They see me cry, I explain; I share my emotions and disbelief, my grief and my anger. I believe in answering kids tough questions head-on and honestly. But also age-appropriately.

11 Tips to Raise a Safe Driver

April 1, 2013

I am pleased to introduce you to Ken Myers, president of Morningside Nannies, with some tips on raising a safe driver. As a parent of a soon-to-be-driving teen, I appreciate the ideas he presents here. As in many parenting situations, parental involvement and eyes wide open is crucial as are clear and solid limits. Since teens’ brains are not yet fully developed and they have less ability to reason, use good judgement and control impulses than adults, they need definitive limits that don’t leave room for judgement calls. For example, a rule against any phone usage at all in the car doesn’t leave them to figure out when it might be okay (emergencies excluded). Enforcing strict limits takes parental creativity and involvement, but it truly is a life and death matter. The temptation to respond to a call or text is simply too great and kids (as adults) are inclined to respond instantly. Distracted driving, according to 2012 statistics , kills nine people and injures over 1000 people daily. Teens, as inexperienced drivers, are even more likely to be involved in distracted driving accidents. Consumer Reports gives many good tips on how to guide your teen to be a safe driver.

How can a parent teach a teen to be a safe driver?

As a Dad, my child first getting behind the wheel can be a nerve-wracking experience. Every negative thought enters my head, and a Dad can’t help but be a worried mess every time his child’s car pulls out of the driveway.

Here are 11 tips to help ease your mind and ensure your child is a safe driver while on the road.

Practice

When your child has their learners permit, try to have them drive whenever possible and during multiple weather conditions. This will allow you to see their driving skills in numerous amounts of situations, therefore, giving you plenty of opportunities to give driving advice.

Driving School

Make sure the driving school is trusted and credible. Look at the curriculum provided during the course, and make sure they touch upon every important aspect of driving.

Comfort Driving

Before they go for their license and drive on their own make sure your child is comfortable driving. Since they are still novices to the road there will be some unease, but if they seem extremely uncomfortable driving, then have them practice longer with their permit before going for their license.

Seat belt

Make sure the first thing they do when getting in the vehicle is buckle up. It is crucial to emphasize that their seat belt will protect them if there is ever and accident. Your child should also be made aware that not buckling up is against the law.

No Distractions

Until your child is a safe driver with some experience, their friends should not be permitted in the car while they are driving. Friends talking and fussing with the radio are an easy distraction to a new driver.

What Do Your Kids Want to Be When They Grow Up?

March 27, 2013

In this week’s Mom Before Mom post, I wrote about what I wanted to be when I grew up it made me think about what my kids say now that they want to be. For some kids, they set their minds on something and never waiver. For other kids, the ideas change weekly, their interests broad and open.

Michael just today came home and announced, “Mom, do you want to hear what I want to do when I grow up?” I was stunned and thought, “Be a psychic?” He had no idea what I was writing about! This most recent idea, though, was more of an event plan than a career path, he wants to climb Mount Everest and glide off the top. (Ugh, see my Boys and Bruises post!)

What do your kids want to be when they grow up? How do we nurture the things that make them happy? How, as parents, can we encourage them to explore and guide them to discover their strengths?

It begins young with exposure to many different experiences. Going for a walk and taking the time to stop and touch some moss or poke a mushroom with a stick is a beginning. So are things like kicking the ball in the backyard, marching through the house with musical instruments or early forays into watercolor still-lifes and Play-Doh sculptures. These are valuable activities at all ages.

Offering varied opportunities isn’t generally the hard part, there are a million and one possibilities, activities, teams, clubs, events and chances to try things out. It’s harder to know how to limit what our kids join, as in all things parenting, it’s about finding that balance.

In the adolescent years, kids tend to begin to specialize in certain activities, they’ve narrowed down their sports and extracurricular time to more focused interests. Those activities may not be what they would pursue as a life path. Or could they be?

Music for Newtown Auction

March 22, 2013

The list of heavy hitting stars donating to the Music for Newtown Auction keeps growing even as the auction date is three days away. Jack Johnson, Taylor Swift, Elton John, Tim McGraw, 3 Doors Down, The Eagles, Eddie Vedder, John Mayer, One Direction, and Rush to give you a teaser. I have an “in,” [...]

Happy Spring Equinox

March 20, 2013

Spring is my favorite season and even though we welcome this year’s spring equinox with snow-covered ground, there is sunshine and green buds are poking through. Robins are hopping around and I feel excited by the season of new beginnings. Bring some spring indoors and force forsythia with the kids.

Seasons change because of how the Earth orbits the sun and the tilt of its axis, it’s determined by shifting sunlight. Today, the vernal equinox, both night and day are both about the same length of time. In Latin, equinox means “equal night.” Also on the spring equinox, the sun rises exactly in the east and sets exactly in the west.

A few weeks ago, I cut some forsythia branches from our bramble of winter forsythia bushes. I brought them in to force and today I’m enjoying the yellow spring flowers in full bloom. This is a fun activity to do with children of all ages.

Up close, you can see that the branches that look bare and sleepy are actually full of buds. Since forsythia grow and multiple heartily, it’s okay to allow children old enough to manage clippers to cut some with your guidance. Simply cut branches then clip off any short pieces that would be below the water line of a vase. Then give them a fresh cut at an angle and because they are a woody stem, I also use the shears to cut UP the stem separating it vertically to give more area to absorb water. Another option is to give a fresh cut and then crush the end of the branch with a hammer. (Any kid would love to help with that part!) Then wait a few days and you’ll have spring indoors!

To the left are the plain branches waiting to open. To the right, the blooming branches to enjoy!

I don’t like to throw any away so these in the blue vase are the tiny off shouts that I cut from the large branches. These make great smaller arrangements to put in bathrooms, kids rooms or on your office desk to cheer you!

7 Ways to Make Your Own Luck

March 15, 2013

I wish people, “Good Luck!” as a vote of confidence, a hope for success, but I only have a limited belief in luck. Instead, I believe we make our own luck. Two people could be handed the same situation, the same resources (or lack thereof) and can create completely different outcomes. Some might dismiss it as “lucky” or use it as and excuse, “I’m just unlucky,” or “She’s luckier than me.” I don’t believe that’s luck, it’s attitude, how you choose to look at the world and interact within it.

These are lessons Nick and I work to instill in our kids at every opportunity. We believe in these principles in our own lives, as parents and contributors to society. Let’s call it “The Luck O’ the Italians,” it’s a recipe to make your own luck! Here are LUCKY NUMBER 7 Ways to Make your Own Luck!

Parent Child One on One Time

March 12, 2013

One on one time with each of your children is worth scheduling. It’s can be such a valued tradition for each parent to carve out a special time alone with each child throughout your week. What you do doesn’t matter, what matters is that your child has 100% of your attention with no distractions.

It doesn’t need to cost money, take all day and it doesn’t even require leaving the house, but adding in special occasion one on one time can build cherished memories.

I still feel cherished and special when I think about some one on one time I had with my parents growing up. There was the time my Dad took me, just me, to go horseback riding. It wasn’t a habit and didn’t become a thing, we only went once, but it was a new experience and I did it with my Dad. I was the center of his attention the entire time we were together. Another time, we went hiking in the woods. On the day I was alone with my Dad, my Mom would take my sister somewhere just for her. On one of our days, my Mom let me choose what to do, I picked going to a Hallmark store! Truthfully, I still love gift shops and sending cards.

Finding time alone with each of your children isn’t always easy, but get creative and I’m sure you can see opportunities in your day to give even 15-20 minutes of concentrated attention to each child. Can you do a puzzle or craft with your 4 year old while your toddler naps? Can you go for a treasure-hunt walk through the yard or neighborhood when grandma comes over to stay with the other child(ren)? How about making the usual bedtime or bath time routine dedicated time to a child?